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I Can Feel You Creep Into My Private LifeNikki NackWhokillBird-Brains
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Merrill recently began a radio project called C.L.A.W., which is a monthly guide to new music by female-identifying artists. Every second Monday from 6-7 PM EDT, Merrill presents Collaborative Legions of Artful Womxn – for which she not only cherry-picks brand new tracks by female identifying producers, emcees, instrumentalists and vocalists, but also pairs two performers to collaborate for an exclusive world premiere.

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'I Can Feel You Creep Into My Private Life' Credits

produced by Merrill Garbus and Nate Brenner
lyrics by Merrill Garbus
recorded by Beau Sorenson at Tiny Telephone Oakland, assisted by Maryam Qudus
and by Merrill Garbus and Nate Brenner at Bot Cave Oakland
additional engineering by Nate Fox & Nico Segal at Intlxl Studio
strings recorded at Women’s Audio Mission by Maryam Qudus
mixed by Mikaelin ‘Blue’ BlueSpruce at Lounge Studios NY
except “Free” mixed by Beau Sorenson at Tiny Telephone Oakland
mastered by Dave Kutch at The Mastering Palace NYC
cover photo by Nate Brenner
art layout by Alison Fielding
polaroid by Ginger Fierstein
tune-yards poster by Eric Mortensen
management by Jason Colton with Laura Bergstein for Red Light Management
a&r by Jane Abernethy at 4AD
vocal instruction by Deborah Benedict
booking by Avery McTaggart at Paradigm Agency and Rob Challice at Coda Agency
legal by Paul Sommerstein, Esq.
business management by Jeff Johnson with Melissa Soliman at ZZRJ
thao nguyen appears courtesy of Ribbon Music
special thanks to our entire team at 4AD/Beggars Group

All songs written by Merrill Garbus and Nate Brenner, published by Garbus the Owl (ASCAP) and Naytronix Media (BMI) administered by Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., except "Private Life" which contains elements of "King of Kings", written by J. Shabalala, Gallo Music Publishers (SAMRO), all rights administered by WB Music Corp. (ASCAP), used by permission, all rights reserved.

'I Can Feel You Creep Into My Private Life' Lyrics

heart attack

It’s giving me a heart attack-ack-ack
We jump so high but fall right back
It’s giving me a heart attack-ack-ack
Don’t let me lose my soul

She drew up the night and she drew up the dawn
She was there, until she was gone
I’d tell you the story if you would listen

Let me speak
Let me breathe
Let me be
Oh it’s giving me a heart attack-ack-ack don’t let me lose my soul

I’m only human

---

coast to coast

I don’t know the language, all the words mean fear
This land is sinking as I try to get clear
Knowledge, then wisdom, the answer’s right here
Burn the sage and sow the seed
Nobody left to feed

[Coast to Coast]
Right left, right left, fantasy
Don’t let them pave my feet down or I’ll drown
Right left, right from coast to coast
Never learn to say goodbye

See you in the middle when the walls come tumbling down to the sea.

I know your language but I wish it were silence
The seeds are sown in all the small acts of violence
I was just so tired, too tired to say a thing
Kept my head down, eyes closed and let freedom ring
We let freedom ring
But whose freedom?

[Coast to Coast]
Right left, right left, fantasy
They’re gonna pave my feet down and I’ll drown
Right left, right from coast to coast
Better run, better run (if you want to move at all)
Now is it time to say goodbye to New York?
Welcome the ocean, and lay our blame down?
Right left right from coast to coast
Better learn to say goodbye

See you in the middle when the walls come tumbling down to the sea.
(Build a sky; build it big enough to hold us all.)

Right left, right left, fantasy
Until you’re looking your fear in the eyes
Right left, right from coast to coast
I’ll surrender to the truth but never to the lies!

Maybe I’ll never say goodbye to New York
And then they’ll pave my feet down and I’ll drown
Right left right from coast to coast
Never learn to say goodbye

---

abc 123

Sun sun sun burn down on me
Atop this hill so I can see
My skin boils red and scabs and stings
But I must be witness to everything
Fan the fire or face the crowd
California’s burning down
Sitting in the middle of the sixth extinction
Silently suggesting the investment in a generator

I called you up because I thought you’d see it my way
I looked for freedom and I found it on the highway
No other options so I’m peeling out the driveway
Sing those brand new ABCs

ABC 123 LMNO
ABCDEFG

I want so badly to be liked
I ask myself, “Why was I nice?”
I ask myself, “What should I do?”
But all I know is white centrality
My country served me horror coke
My natural freedom up in smoke
My pre-polluted fetus lead us
Into the obscene, I mean

I’m on a desert island and I ate up all the coral
I was so hungry but I know that isn’t normal, oh no
But my behavior isn’t anything but moral
So unhappy! (ABC!)
I called you up because we had a great connection
You couldn’t hear me ‘cause of NSA protection
But we’ll unite before the very next election
No abstentions! VOTE
The ABCs

I called you up because I’d like to see it your way
The bridge between us is behind a different doorway
Thought I was looking but I don’t know what to see
Living in the new reality

---

now as then

I am exceptional
I am an exception
I am the exception
That’s for me, that’s also for me
I am a contradiction
I’m fascinating
Not enough, too much
Tell me I’m special
They might look like me but they don’t know
Man I wanna take you home
Oh the relaxation I feel here
Oh the relaxation I feel most everywhere
Except the places I don’t go
Except the places I don’t go

Oh don’t trust me, I might just take all the money and run
(I’m just a shell of myself)
I might just take all the money and run
I don’t wanna be a woman
If it’s permission, like it’s permission

Now as then, I know
Then as now
I know I’m not to be trusted

She has this thing with her shoulders, can’t sleep on either side
Face up to the ceiling nowhere to hide.
Oh she has this thing with her shoulders, can’t sleep on either side
Face up to the ceiling nowhere to hide
Oh she is speaking to me!
Speaking right to me!
Speaking my language, it’s all in my language
A universal language and I am loved, I am loved
I am loved in every single tongue

Oh don’t trust me, I might just take all the money and run
(I’m a blank, I’m drawing a blank)
I might just take all the money and run
I don’t wanna be a woman
If it means not being a human

---

honesty

Honesty honesty gone, didn’t know right from wrong
Honesty honesty
Honesty honesty gone

(Do you really want to know?)
(No, no, no, no, no)

This river runs so deep -- hold your breath to reach the bottom. Ugly and blind, what will you
find? Hold the sickening silt in your heart and your mind
This river runs so deep

Close your eyes. Get in touch with the physical sensations coursing through your body.
Breathe.

(Really really won’t you, even at the end?)

---

colonizer

I use my white woman’s voice to tell stories of travels with African men
I comb my white woman’s hair with a comb made especially, generally for me
I use my white woman’s voice to tell stories, stories

Colonize it
Colonize it
C-c-c-c-c-colonize it
C-c-c-c-c-colonize it

I use my white woman’s voice to interpret my travels with African men
I turn on my white woman’s voice to contextualize acts of my white women friends
I cry my white woman tears carving grooves in my cheeks to display what I meant
I smell the blood in my voice
I smell the blood in my voice
Especially the blood in my voice

I use my white woman’s voice to tell stories of travels with African men
I comb my white woman’s hair with a comb made especially, generally for me
I smell the blood in my voice
Especially the blood in my voice

---

look at your hands

La la la la la la la look at your hands, your hands
LOOK, la la look at your hands, your hands
Look at all the objects in your hands your hands
La la look at your hands, your

La la la la look at your hands, your hands
LOOK, la la look at your hands, your hands
Turning objects over in your hands your hands
La la look at your hands, your hands

La la la la la la look at my hands, my plan
Shoot, I should’ve faced that, placed that
Tell me my own father is a wicked man
Now now now now now now now
Now it’s my hands my hands

How much would it cost to make it my plan, my man
Ooo, I wanna taste that, waste that
Sell me my own water off of my own land
Now now now now now now now
Now it’s my hands, my hands

[La la la la la la la look at your hands, your hands…]

He got the shadow to follow the foe
He got got that thing to go
La-la-locked and loaded and ready to go
He got lots of things to go, oh

Harmony, harmony
Vibration when voices are free
Harmony, harmony
How I long to see

[How much would it cost to make it my plan, my man....?]

La la la la look at your hands, your hands
LOOK, la la look at your hands, your hands
Look at all the objects in your hands, your
Hands, la la look at your hands, your hands

---

home

She’s a fool
She’s a fool fool fool fool

Everything is better when you’re cheering for the winner
When you’re cheering for the winner then the song remains the same

(She’s a fool.)

Home, in an aisle of cans and bags
Home, in a tent-house made of rags
Home, in a hate you cannot see
Home in a recollection
Got to understand the past to find direction

Everything is better when you’re cheering for the winner
When you’re cheering for the winner, the song remains the same

(She’s a fool.)

I came to get down but you’re not telling my story, man
Came to get down but you’re not telling my story, man


She’s a fool

[But she’ll tell you she’s free, she’ll tell you she’s free]

---

hammer

He won’t get off my back
(Doesn’t see the hammer coming down)

He won’t get off my back
Doesn’t see the hammer nail his own hand down

I am not the woman that you think I am
I swallow up a mountain and I’m quiet as a clam
Saturday and Sunday in the poison air
Oh and every day I work I help to put the poison there

He won’t get off my back...

I’ll tell you ‘bout the lie that broke our teeny little town down
I’ll tell you ‘bout the bodies down below the battleground
Rented an apartment in the shadow of a house
Cruel is just the rule when the cat has got a mouse

Froggy went a’ courtin’ and he did ride
Never left his home without a pistol by his side, he lied
It was a fantasy life
He knew he’d have to kill to keep me as his wife
Lullaby to sleep in a self-made sound
Living in a dream while the whole world drowns

Lullaby to sleep in a man-made high
Living in a dream while the whole world cries

---

who are you

The science is cold
Roughly one half or three-quarters we’re told
Communion is old
But what makes a community whole?
So much is invisible to me
So much I may not ever see

Who are you

The science is cool
23% as a general rule
Generations pretend
Shut our eyes and hold our breath til it ends

Oh my thoughts are not my own
But born of trauma deep in cellular stone
And who are you?

The science is cold

---

private life

I don’t wanna / I don’t wanna
Hear my voice
You would never guess what was living inside of
People like me and you
Will you erase what you embrace
Oh what will the good girls do
(Sing it)

I can feel you creep into my private life

I just wanna / I just wanna
Hear your voice
I would never guess it was living inside
A hero like you-hoo-hoo
If music kills, if music kills
Then what will the good folks do?

Reveal yourself reveal yourself

---

free

Free!

Crying I keep crying for my love
My love who left me hung
But it was limitation taught me what I truly loved

Crying I keep crying for my truth
My tears the only route
But I’m alive and seething, and I’m coming back for you

Don’t tell me I’m free!

Crying I keep crying for my love
My love who kept me hung
But it was tribulation taught me what I truly dug

Crying I keep crying for my home
The only one I’ve known
If I go back I’ll only stand over my grave alone

Don’t tell me I’m free!

Crying I keep crying for my love
My love who left me hung
But it was liberation taught me what I truly was

Crying I keep crying for my home
The only one I’ve known
If I go back I’ll only stand over my grave alone